I wish I could say that I after the incest stopped, life returned to normal, but nothing was the same. Outwardly, everything seemed fine. But inwardly, I battled feelings of self worth and shame. I began to question my Christianity. I trusted a family member and he wasn’t safe. What other false beliefs was I holding on to? I lost my sense of security. So, I medicated myself by smoking.
Even my personality changed. I became withdrawn, angry and rebellious. I hated high school and failed most of my classes for non-attendance. Then I listened to the lies of the enemy when he told me I was stupid.
In my freshman year, there are blocks of time that I simply can’t remember. I listed my three best friends in my yearbook, but can only remember one. I didn’t take drugs and I didn’t drink excessively, yet entire blocks of time are gone. This is indicative of PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder).
Until recently, I had nightmares about high school. When my twenty year reunion came up, I had nightmares for two weeks until I decided not to attend.
This is part 2 in a series. Click HERE to read part one. Stay tuned for more.