An Intervention

It has come to my attention that I need to stage an intervention.There are some things that friends do not let other friends do. No, I’m not talking about Michele’s tattoo. What I’m talking about is far more serious. My BFF, Tonya, is considering planning flowers in an old toilet and putting it out in the yard.

“Seriously?” was my response.

She laughs. “Chuck doesn’t think it’s a good idea either.”

Hmm. I wonder why. Could it be because they are trying to sell their house?

“I could put some more flowers in the tank too.”

I’m grasping for words at this point, GRASPING! Which you know is very rare for me.
“Why not just get an old eighteen wheel tire and put that right next to it? You can plant flowers in that too.”

Then she laughs. Laughs! Obviously she doesn’t understand the seriousness of it. JUST DON’T DO IT TONYA! I wanted to scream.

TLC has a show called What Not to Wear. Stacy and Clinton are the clothes police. Does HGTV have yard police for monstrosities placed in the yard? If so, someone needs to call them. Maybe they can put a stop to this!

If she goes through with it, I’ll need some volunteers to sneak over there and remove it from their yard. It really is for her own protection. BFF’s sometimes have to protect their friends from bad decisions.

Apparently, toilets are pretty heavy. I wouldn’t know as I’ve never had an occasion to move one and I certainly would never consider planting in one. So, my dear blogging friend, I’m sure you understand the seriousness of this situation by now. Please join with me in solidarity. Perhaps if we get enough comments, we can prevent this from happening. Because Friends don’t let friends plant flowers in toilets. Seriously, they really don’t. Please leave a comment below if you are in agreement with me.

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39 thoughts on “An Intervention

  1. Seriously? Uh uh. BAD idea. Not just from the humor angle, but this sounds self-destructive, especially if they really are trying to sell the house. Don’t do it. Very white trash.

  2. Tonya, Are you practicing to be a Texan? I mean, really, it is so passe’. If you are going for the Texas Backroad look, trying something a bit more original. There is a house near us (in the city mind you, so it isn’t just for backwoods anymore) with an old car in the yard, the hood is up, and there is a heap of wildflowers growing out of the motor. Now THAT makes a statement.

  3. And toilets are heavy.To move one that is empty because the wax ring has burst and sent the water all over the bathroom floor requires one manly man. A toilet with dirt…well, that is a hernia in the making. There simply is no way for two people to gracefully pick up a toilet. There is some deep cosmic lesson to be learned in there. Not sure what it is right now, but I’m sure it includes the knowledge that toilets do not belong in the front yard with flowers sticking out.

  4. Oh no! No, no, no! That is only done in the hills and backwoods, and even then it is laughed at and ridiculed. Please, Tonya, please don’t do it! If you want flowers, just get a nice little pot (maybe even a unique one) from Wal Mart or a garden store, but please do not…I repeat Do NOT…use a toilet. Toilets are for pooing (Yes, I said pooing.) and peeing. Toilets are where you run to if you are going to vomit or you have diarrhea. None of these things are flowery. Toilets have a very practical nature, but that practicality does not involve flowers. Please, just don’t do it! I’m begging you!

  5. Am I the only one reading this who is offended by the massive, shameless and obvious descrimination against toilets? Come on people, if you were a toilet and had a chance to serve a purpose to nurture life and beauty wouldn’t you take it? It’s like Tonya has singled out an object whose life work is disrespected and degraded and she is taking that same object and lifting it up to new standards. Tonya is a trail blazer. A woman who sees beyond. I salute you Tonya. I stand and applaud your zealous approach in making a social statement about the ability to rise above our lots in life. Here, here.Of course, I wouldn’t do it. No way.

  6. Oh, for the love of all goodness — NO!!!As a friend, trust that I have your best interests at heart, Ton. Do. Not. Do. This.Summer is just about over, I’m sure there is something left at WalMart — something tacky (otherwise it wouldn’t be left at the end of the season) enough to satisfy you and not offensive enough that your friends will have to stage an intervention. Let me warn you, don’t make Jan come over there. It won’t be pretty.

  7. Benny said if the intervention doesn’t work and the toilet finds residence in the yard, he’ll provide two pink flamingos to stand guard over said “flower pot” to add to the beauty. :)This from the man who used to have a bed pan candy dish in his office. ugh.

  8. I hate to have to pull out the big guns, Tonya, but you’ve left me no choice. I’m going to quote Scripture. The Lord promising a “new thing” that “springs up” and “streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:18-19) does not, and i repeat, DOES NOT refer to placing a toilet in one’s front yard. Okay, so maybe I’ve taken a little artistic liberty with that Scripture (LOL); nonetheless, white porcelain thrones are meant for brown things…and I don’t mean dirt.In closing I will leave you will more quote. This one is from Field of Dreams: “If you build it, they will come…” Meaning, they will come and rip it from your front yard. Don’t make them do it. It could get ugly.Love ya!

  9. Actually, empty toilets aren’t that heavy and could easily be stolen in the night by one tall woman on a mission. That’s why, Tonya, I recommend you fill the tank, not with flowers, but with cement. Then plant away. But please, shop around for a cool old toilet — mybe pink or purople, and then stake some exotic lawn ornaments in there as well. Maybe a flamingo or a goose in a bikini. Then, as long as you’ve gone to all that effort, why not shine a spot a light on it, and maybe hang a disco ball over it too? You wouldn’t want anyone driving by to miss it in the darkness. Particularly if they have decided that they may like to buy your home and are cruising the neighborhood at noght to check it out for safety, etc… You go toilet girl 😉

  10. I think she needs to “flush” this idea! Oh my goodness Jan, sometimes it is so hard being a good friend and having to step in at times like this and show tough love, but you go girl!Ha! This is soooo funny!Hugs, Sharon

  11. We have a place back up in the hills a few miles away this is the ultimate in white trashville…full of rednecks that would LOVE to come grab your toilet out of your yard and let it shine in theirs. But here’s an idea for you…why not sneak up to one of their places and grab an outhouse to go along with the toilet? You could have an almost matched set in your yard, and adorn the roof of the outhouse with balloons and flowers and put the House for Sale sign on the side!!! Classy, huh? ROFLOL!!!

  12. Okay, since we are tossing in flamingoes, this was my original thought…Put the toilet out there with some happy flowers. Add a washbasin stand with a wash bowl. Then put in an outside shower that has a motor so it is actually (your ready?) a fountain! You could just go with an old well pump if you can’t find the cool shower.See, now you’ve gone from a stand alone toilet to a whole bathroom scape. I don’t know if that is better or a whole lot worse, but if you are going to do “interesting things” what look weird alone, do them in a collection. All decorators know that.

  13. High Class White TrashSo you put the toilet out there.Then you add a pedastal sink for a bird feeder. Put in a ball and claw tub. Put fish in the tub because there has to be a koi pond. Then at the front of the tub, make a small oval flower bed of pansies or something like that so it can be the bathmat.I’m still working on the toilet paper holder. OOOOHHHHH!!!!!! Just toilet paper the trees so it looks like albina spanish moss.

  14. Flea – I know. I begged her not to. So,I had to resort to the intervention. I’m afraid she might just do it anyway. After all, she hasn’t responded yet.

  15. Jerri and Rob, Stop it! You may actually be giving her idea’s. And with two kids, the idea of an outdoor shower may come in handy. OH my stars!My DH loved the truck with the flowers growing out of it. We live in an area where the HOA dictates everything. They probably won’t even let us put a political sign in the window facing the street. If we stain our fence, it needs to be an approved stain color. Ugh. Mel – I see you feel my pain too.Dawn – POOing? ROTFL. MY DH got a big laugh out of that at Lowe’s today. We were buying, of all things, a new toilet seat. Perhaps I should send that over to Ton and she can use that too. LOL.Robbie – you are supposed to be helping. Be careful, you might find a flock of pink flamingo’s with bikini’s in your yard some morning.Megan – if I go, I’m taking you with me as a witness. And in case we get arrested, I’ll need someone who can post bail. :)Niki – we may need those flamingo’s. Does he still have the bedpan. Tonya may want that for another planter. I’m just saying…

  16. Jill – yes, I knew there was something I liked about you. I may need your help too. You can be the lookout. Now, they did get rid of the dog so we don’t have to worry about being attacked. What I’m worried about now is any rednecked neighbors who may shoot first and ask questions later. They may, in fact, enjoy the scenery. I believe Dawn called it pooh. Really, she did, right here in the comments. The Rascal.To be fair, she was talking back yard.Anonymous – whose side are you on? I’ll never be able to remove it with cement in it! Sharon – good pun. Time to flush this idea permanently.

  17. Joann – I believe she is doing this to help her photo Opps. A new venue, you know. I mean, she can take her clients back there and they can pose. She is an artiste, you know. Creative people sometimes need assistance in where to draw the line. Kay – so should we move it to your house? Miralee – Excellent idea. An outhouse would be just the ticket. Or, they could do a historical montage on bathroom fixtures and how they’ve progressed, starting with a chamber pot. We could use Benny’s bedpan in a pinch.

  18. OH!!! Backyard. Photos.Skip the toilet’. ONe of the coolest pictures I’ve seen was a guy I knew in high school. the photographer had a ball and claw tub. The guy was a cowboy. Picture:He’s in the tub. His hat sitting cocked forward on his head on one end, and his feet propped up on the edge of the tub on the other. One arm lay on the side of the tub with his hand dangling down. His boots were sitting by the back legs of the tub.We won’t talk about the effect on the hormones of an adolescent girl. I will simply say I remember it well, and that is why I have never used that opp in my photography.HOWEVER, pictures of a woman for her husband…Sorry, Jan. I know. Not helping. Stopping now. 🙂

  19. ROTFLOL!!!To think that my little idea could cause such a stir… Giggle…I came home dead tired from two shoots at the Botanical Gardens and the rest of the day up at Chuck’s house trying to get it ready for inspection. Then I come in and read all these hilarious comments. Thank you all, with all the stress right now this helps all of us as a family! Seriously.As for the toilet, you leave no other choice then to get some plants and at least take a picture. We will say for memories’ sake. Look for it on Monday. :)Hey, can I help it that I am an artist that looks at life and tries to find the beauty in everything… I have always said I should have my own reality t.v. show. This proves it. LOL! All of your comments were so funny!

  20. Ok, I think we need to branch out beyond the bathroom just a bit. My daughter and her husband bought a run down place in the country about 5 yrs ago…they hauled off about 15 DUMP truck (not pick up, I said dump truck) loads of trash. Seriously. They also sold a VERY nasty double wide trailer for a dollar to a local junk man (he insisted on paying for it so he could legally have the title…they just wanted it gone, but that’s another story, LOL). Anyway…here’s where you branch our on your yard decorating ideas. The renters who lived there (and accumulated all the trash) had a metal head board on one end of a flower bed, and the foot board on the other…Flower “Bed”… And they stood in the middle and renewed their wedding vows. Cross my heart and hope to die, I’m not kidding. Needless to say, the “bed” is no longer there. It’s been replaced by an amazing array of real flowers. But if Marnee had known that Tonya wanted to go to such lengths to decorate her yard and bring some of the interior outside, I’m sure she’d have been happy to donate it to such a worthy cause! Miralee

  21. Ton – I’m so glad we’ve been entertainment for you. Though I am kinda liking Jerri’s idea about the claw foot tub. You could do some wonderful photo’s to show women their worth. Now Jerri is distracting me from the intervention here. Perhaps that photo Opp would be better in an indoor setting at your new house. Miralee- now that is too funny. That could open up all sorts of photo opps. Ton could take pictures and I could officiate. LOL. I haven’t had this much fun with a post in a very long time.

  22. Jan, great post! Sorry I missed the intervention, I must say that, it’s something I’d be embarrassed to do. But I’m on my way to Tonya’s to check it out. Deb

  23. I go out of town and find I’ve missed all the fun. I’ll probably get banned from Jan’s blog now, but I think as long as it’s in her back yard, it should be fine. It would make a nice conversation piece. And, like the old saying goes, it’s not in my backyard. 🙂

  24. And this is funny because? I kinda like the purple salvia in mine!Tonya, are you from Northeastern Pennsylvania? Toilet planters are common there – in the back woods as are bathtubs and old sinks. Might as well get yourself a complete set!Maybe we need to sneak over to Jan’s some night and re-landscape her front yard. Last I heard, plumbing is the new rage on HGTV!

  25. Ruthie – that is too funny!Danica – I don’t ban people from my blog when they disagree with me. Only if they attack me and my blogging friends, which I know you would never do. Welcome back. We missed you at the Write Out.Darcie – we missed you too! You have been gone a really long time. But you are in so much trouble now!

  26. Being that we own a home design and remodeling business, I feel a somewhat obligated to lend a professional opinion here. The short of it is this: people pay us good money to go in and correct these types of “decorateur” (and I use that term in the loosest sense)…uh…mishaps. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Ton, for contributing to the continued success of our business.

  27. Michele – that is too funny. Stacy – save your TP, she has finally agreed to throw the toilet away. Praise God the intervention has worked!

  28. My dad always threatened to put a mirror under a toilet seat and lid and hang it on the wall. Lift the lid and … there you are!

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. - Psalm 34:19

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