Dear God, My Heart is Breaking

Dear God,

My heart is breaking and I don’t know how to do this. How do I grieve and continue to move through this? Chocolate therapy is not working. What I really need is you, your comfort, your peace.

Two and a half years ago, you sent me a very special gift in the form of my BFF Sharen. Now she’s moving back to the very place I said I’d never go again. Who says you don’t have a sense of humor? Now I’ll gleefully visit just to see her.

This is a deep sense of loss and I’m having chest pains. I don’t think it’s my illness. It’s just that my heart is breaking. Will it ever feel better?

I went to my allergist today – over by Sharen’s house and the *Famous* Starbucks. (We call it the Famous Starbucks because we saw Ed MacFrey and Clint Hurdle there.) You know, I rarely get coffee by myself. Sharen is in her new town, finding a house. When I called, she encouraged me to go alone.

It was nearly abandoned. I was so out of sorts I ordered the wrong drink. I didn’t stay. I was too sad thinking about days to come. (I’m going to have to find a new allergist.) On my way out of the parking lot, I knew it was the end of an era. There’s not too many reasons left to drive across the Great Divide.

Why do I feel like Jonah, complaining about something that you gave me in the first place? I’m grateful for the time we’ve had. Selfishly, I want her to stay… and yet I know it’s time for her to go. Yes, you called her and you have great plans for her in that new town. I know you have wonderful plans for me too. But right now, in this moment, it doesn’t feel like it.

I thought about putting an ad on Craig’s List for another friend like Sharen. These are just some of her unique personality strengths:

  • Easy going
  • Extrovert
  • Real and genuine
  • Has overcome her past
  • Yearns to grow in the Lord
  • Gift of encouragement
  • Fun-loving
  • Writer
  • Able to Get Starbucks at a moments notice
  • Likes to shop but isn’t addicted
  • Has grown children and a solid marriage
  • Young in body and spirit
  • Loves God and her family

Never mind. As you can see, she is irreplaceable. I know we’ll still get to see each other, but neither of us is rich so it won’t be as often as we’d like.

Father, I need your help to get through this. I didn’t expect it to hurt this much. Comfort and protect her too. Bless her move and help her to find a good friend who will love her as much as I do.

Thanks for listening God. I love you.

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16 thoughts on “Dear God, My Heart is Breaking

  1. Dearest Jan, I am so, so sorry for your loss. It stinks. Period. It stinks. I have been in the same boat, but not with a great friend moving, but with just WANTING a perfect friend. It is really, really hard and it is a real pain that you feel. God is good and He knows your pain. He has a plan for you and I am sure He will bring you a new friend. Just rely on Him and go to Him with all your pain and your secrets. I will pray that you get a new friend soon Jan. Love Sharon

  2. Oh, this is so hard. She sounds like a true gem. Best friends are rare. I treasure mine too.As you know, if you allow yourself to feel all that pain, one day it will be over. OUCH!Hugs, e-Mom

  3. I just wanted to let you know I mailed your package today….sorry it is later than I said, but things got in the way (like work…RRRR….I am working an extra day and it is killing me!) Any way, I realized that if you put that ad on Craigs list, I think I might be your girl except I’m not a writer and I am a million miles away here in Oregon, but I am glad that we are cyber friends!Chin up, Sharon

  4. I pray that God will continue to grow your friendship with Sharen, as well as lead you to another friend that will also enhance your life.

  5. Enjoy the time you have with your friend while she is here….and remember that God brought her into your life, and he will help you through this transition.I think of the quotation: “When God closes a door, He opens a window”. So you can look for the “windows” as time goes on.Also, psychologists will tell us that all change is accompanied by grieving – (and esp with a close friend moving away). Love your blog!

  6. Oh my, Jan…I’m leaving the state, but not your life. And, you are not leaving my life either. You WILL visit! And, you WILL like Texas (it’s not El Paso down here 🙂 I will miss seeing you AT THE DROP of the the hat sooo badly, but we will work all this out! We will!!! I love you!!! And I’ll be back on Sunday. Now, I have an appraisal on Monday at 1:00…WFTJ, lunch, and coffee Tuesday? 🙂

  7. I know how you feel. It is a difficult loss. And you know that no one is going to answer that ad and replace Sharen. There is only one like her and only one friendship like the one you share with her. I know you love all your friends and you are not left desolate, but it still hurts.Look at the verse you have here above the comment box. God is doing a new thing! In some strange, mysterious God way, it will be wonderful, in time.

  8. Jan,As I read this post, I felt like you were writing of the hurt in my heart. A year ago this past October, my very best friend moved 2 hours across the state where we lived. We managed to work out a way to see one another…it wasn’t right around the corner but it was working. Then in February ’07 God decided to move me to another state on the other side of the country. It has now been just over a year since I have moved away…we are still trying to come to terms with God’s plan. We pray that God will see fit to bring us back together (location) someday (before eternity). Tonight she was scrapbooking and I was having Starbucks – each with the other in our thoughts but doing our best to move on without the other. My heart certainly goes out to you, I know your pain. I need to close now before the floodgates open.Blessings,Kim

  9. Oh sweetie.. I’ve missed so much..being ill. I knew Sharen was moving. it just makes me cry knowing you’ll be missing her.I don’t know WHAT I’d do if my BFF moved away..she’s my rock and has been there for me in the WORST (and best) parts of my life and she still LOVES ME.God will find a way to fill that empty spot ..your friend is still there, just not where you want her to be!!!with youI think I meet your criteria for a friend..but I am far away too!!love ya.Deena

  10. I’ve experienced such a loss. One of my BFs moved to another country! I completely fell apart the day she told me she was moving to Ecuador. I cried in a little ball for hours. Grieving isn’t bad – it’s healthy. I’m sad about Sharen too – I was just getting to know her through WFTJ. And, she’s right. Texas isn’t so bad (as long as you have a translator)

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. - Psalm 34:19

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