Is Divorce Ever Right?

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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There is nothing more beautiful than a wedding. Likewise, there is nothing more painful than divorce. When someone asks the question, “Is divorce ever right?” I think of three categories of people.

  1. Those who are new believers and honestly need answers.
  2. Those who want to know because they’re looking for an easy way out.
  3. Those who want to know because they want to condemn someone.

Let’s address group #1 first
God hates divorce. (Mal 2:16) And while God allows for it in the case of adultery (Mark 10:5-9), He longs to restore your marriage.

In an abusive marriage, a separation and extensive counseling is essential. I worked for 2 ½ years with women who were in abusive marriages. However, I’ve never recommended divorce. God is in the miracle business and He will perform one in your marriage if you ask Him to.

Group #2
If you think divorce is an easy way out, you haven’t been divorced or talked with anyone who has. Divorce is like war – it leaves a multitude of wounded and dead in its wake. Don’t be deceived into thinking it’s the easy way out or that it will only affect the two of you. The pain caused by divorce usually lasts a lifetime. What God hath joined together let no man (or woman, or family, or pastor, or teacher) put asunder! Mark 10:9 (KJV). Family members, friends, parents and children are the causalities of this war.

Recently my sister’s first husband’s mother died. I couldn’t get in touch with him to express my sympathy. Though he’d been a member of our family for many years, divorce created a chasm that couldn’t be crossed.

Reality Check:

  • Marriage is not a fairy tale
  • It is not always romantic
  • Couples do not live happily ever after without effort
  • Marriage is a commitment – a decision
  • You will not always feel like being married
  • You may not always feel love
  • Marriage takes work

Group #3
Jesus said, “Let He who is without sin cast the first stone.” Thankfully, it’s not our place to judge. Aren’t you glad we don’t have to carry that responsibility?

Let’s stop kicking our wounded. I’m appalled at the way Christians have behaved toward Sandy Patty, Amy Grant and other famous Christians. Let’s exercise the same grace, mercy and love that Christ showed the woman at the well.

Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” Luke 6:37 (MSG)

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20 thoughts on “Is Divorce Ever Right?

  1. Jan, you summarized a complicated topic very well. I want to re-emphasize that if anyone is being abused they need to get out. I married a man who has been divorced and I have seen the pain in his life, his kids’ lives and even his ex-wife’s life from the decision to divorce. Of course, I am blessed by God’s grace that there is life after divorce because I got a great man who had to learn many lessons the hard way.

  2. I really like how you ended this post. You see I was brought up Catholic and am very well aware after 13 years of private catholic school what Christians belive in in terms of divorce. I’ve also always had the feeling that when it came to god and us, there were not absolutes. I mean isn’t that the point? Isn’t that why we were given free will and we were are created differently, if you believe in that sort of thing. I work for http://www.firstwivesworld.com, it is an online community for women navigating through the various stages of divorce and life thereafter and I have to say I love my job. I love that I am a part of something greater than myself and that I am contributing, however minimally, to the health and well being of others. Marriage is not easy and does require work I understand that, but when it comes down to it, I think that being miserable for the sake of sustaining your marriage is a waste of the gift of life that we have been given. I am so very proud to be helping these women, and we really are. Check out the website and read some of our blogs and comments, it is very moving. http://www.firstwivesworld.comJust my two centsAnn Marie

  3. That was really good…thank you for sharing that! We *almost* went through a divorce…twice. God miraculously healed our marriage, and we both have a passion to help others rebuild their relationships as well.

  4. i love how you put them in 3 categories b/c i see them in those lights as well, so it was very easy to understand where you were coming from!God bless!

  5. Wonderful post! I totally agree with your third point. My own brother is twice divorced, but what good would it do me or more importantly him, to be all judgmental and point out my happy marriage to him? None. We need to let the Holy Spirit do his work of speaking to these people and love and accept them as they are.

  6. Wise words Jan. You know wherein you speak. This is especially poignant: Divorce is like war – it leaves a multitude of wounded and dead in its wake. Divorced people can certainly be forgiven, and as Christians we should forgive them. However, anyone contemplating divorce must understand that there is lifelong “collateral damage” that goes along with the decision. Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday. Your contribution is much appreciated! :~D

  7. Jan, your writing is brought forth in such an objective way. I love that about you. You also get others thinking. That too is apart of the gifts that God has given you. Great post.

  8. I just started reading a book by Stormie Omartian called THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE. It is sooooo good. She gives hope to women, especially, for their marriages. She herself nearly went the direction of divorce, but God led her into praying for her husband. Now they have an excellent marriage. Love that book. Kathi

  9. Divorce is like war – it leaves a multitude of wounded and dead in its wake. Don’t be deceived into thinking it’s the easy way out or that it will only affect the two of you. The pain caused by divorce usually lasts a lifetime.Wow, that was very powerful.Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject. I liked how you addressed the three categories of people that might be the ones asking a question like ‘is divorce ever right?’Your write was very good, thank you.

  10. Hi Jan, What a great post. I feel the same way. God can restore anything and He wants to restore it. We also have to put forth great effort and be committed. No marriage is perfect, but it can be really, really great with God at the center!Hugs, Sharon

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. - Psalm 34:19

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