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There is nothing more beautiful than a wedding. Likewise, there is nothing more painful than divorce. When someone asks the question, “Is divorce ever right?” I think of three categories of people.
- Those who are new believers and honestly need answers.
- Those who want to know because they’re looking for an easy way out.
- Those who want to know because they want to condemn someone.
In an abusive marriage, a separation and extensive counseling is essential. I worked for 2 ½ years with women who were in abusive marriages. However, I’ve never recommended divorce. God is in the miracle business and He will perform one in your marriage if you ask Him to.
If you think divorce is an easy way out, you haven’t been divorced or talked with anyone who has. Divorce is like war – it leaves a multitude of wounded and dead in its wake. Don’t be deceived into thinking it’s the easy way out or that it will only affect the two of you. The pain caused by divorce usually lasts a lifetime. What God hath joined together let no man (or woman, or family, or pastor, or teacher) put asunder! Mark 10:9 (KJV). Family members, friends, parents and children are the causalities of this war.
Recently my sister’s first husband’s mother died. I couldn’t get in touch with him to express my sympathy. Though he’d been a member of our family for many years, divorce created a chasm that couldn’t be crossed.
- Marriage is not a fairy tale
- It is not always romantic
- Couples do not live happily ever after without effort
- Marriage is a commitment – a decision
- You will not always feel like being married
- You may not always feel love
- Marriage takes work
Jesus said, “Let He who is without sin cast the first stone.” Thankfully, it’s not our place to judge. Aren’t you glad we don’t have to carry that responsibility?
Let’s stop kicking our wounded. I’m appalled at the way Christians have behaved toward Sandy Patty, Amy Grant and other famous Christians. Let’s exercise the same grace, mercy and love that Christ showed the woman at the well.
“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” Luke 6:37 (MSG)