I asked God what he had for me in 2008 and at first, He said “New Beginnings.” Great. I was good with that. But then the beginnings began and I wasn’t as happy as I should’ve been. I mean, He did warn me.
Last night, while watching Extreme Home Makeover, God told me that He was about to do an Xtreme Spiritual Makeover. Ugh. I know what that means. The renovation will not be fun. God began to remind me of my attitude towards vacations. If anyone asked me if I liked to travel I would say, “No, but I love to vacation.” In other words, I don’t enjoy the journey. I hate crowded airports, fast food and long car drives. I’m not a road trip kind of gal, but I love seeing new places and the excitement that comes with it. Then He told me that He was taking me on a long journey and He wanted me to enjoy the ride. It’s going to take a lot of prayer, but I think that’s the point.
The last few weeks, I felt like the bottom was dropping out of my world. I grieved, I cried and I threw a spiritual temper tantrum. I know; you’d of thought I was over those about forty years ago.
Tonight, during Bible study, Jackie said something about leaning into turmoil and not fighting it. On the way home, I remembered my youngest twenty years ago, when he was two. He was mad because he didn’t want to leave the park. I was taking him to a better place, but he didn’t realize that, so he threw himself into the sand. Wreathing in fits, the sand got on his face and into his mouth. That was me- sand in my mouth and angry with God for taking me to a better place.
I get it now. I’m leaning into Him. I know that He’ll probably have to carry me most of the way ‘cause I hate road trips. However, with a lot of prayer and my hand firmly in His, I may just start to look around and enjoy the journey.